Glory in the Defeat!

I ask Lord that you guide my hand and take what comes of it as a prayer and offering to You. And so we begin! I just finished a Catholic spiritual gifts inventory and as it turns out, writing is one of my top charisms, so I'm trying it out for a bit. What great timing too! So much has been going on and there are so many things I'd like to share but I'll try to take it slow.

Last night for example. Last night was an incredible blessing! I got to spend some great time with a new friend, strengthening our friendship but also each others relationships with God. (At least she helped stregthen mine!) We briefly met in the last two weeks and right after, met again at the Frassati Conference (more on that later!). She is truly a God-send in my life right now. Not only do we have very similar interests and personalities but it seems that our struggles and joys align as well. Though I've known her only briefly, I've seen so many wonderful traits in her that I strive to mimic in my own path towards holiness. Her faith, drive, joy, and grace have already touched and encouraged me. I look forward to that friendship growing!

Over the last few weeks, a quick cultimation of events has brought me to a wonderful place in my life. A month ago, some significant and unexpected changes took place. Leading up to this time, I'd been fairly strong in my faith, seeing areas I needed growth in but overall had settled into a very comfortable feeling and routine. Praise God, a hardship was thrown my way! I don't know that there has been a time yet in my life that I have needed God more. (Although to put things in perspective, my problems are nothing next to so many others, truly I have been blessed). However, it's clear now, it really was time for change on many levels, in my personal life but especially in my dependency on God, our Father.

I cannot stress or explain enough how much we must value and cherish struggles, trials, and hardships. Without them we'd have nothing pushing us to grow and increase our dependency on Christ. Tough times challenge us to rely not on ourselves or our own understanding but on Christ who alone strengthens us.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will set your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5

And boy has this summer presented that opportunity to me! I've been given the opportunity to just say, "You know God, I can't do this alone, please carry me". I've had to admit my weakness and defeat and take up a childlike dependency on Jesus. For those people who have journeyed with me, the way I've tried to explain to them how I am is that humanly i hurt but spiritually i'm strengthened. If in our human defeat, we turn to God and rely fully upon Him, He is, by that, glorified! In turn, He will strengthen us, which I can joyously personally attest to!

Absolutely my pride likes to get in the way and has been a factor in my times of weakness throughout this summer. The fall of man began with an act of pride (Adam in the garden, desiring the same power as God). The devil used pride then and continues to use it now in so many more ways than we can even see. We can dwell on things, swim in self pity pools, overanalyze, and doubt all we want but in terms of getting to the Kingdom, that does us no good. We have to let go of ourselves. We have to pray and ask God to provide the strength we lack and the wisdom and courage to see the bigger picture. Or at least if we can't see it, have faith that it's there and God knows what He is doing. We've got to keep our eyes on the prize... Jesus. Definitely at times much easier said than done, so let us continue to pray for acceptance of and the ability to carry out His most holy will!

Praise God!